Monday, July 28, 2008

Before/After: Stairs

Oh Stairwell. First, your good qualities. You're open, reasonably. This is a surprisingly difficult thing to come by in Chicago. Many houses have scary narrow steep stairs that are tucked into what you'd think was a closet. So this open stairwell, while sort of hideous, is something of a find in a smaller house.



Now, the bad qualities.

We'll start with the obvious: paneling. Ugh. Then, the railing. I am willing to concede that the railing is not in and of itself universally horrible. We just don't like it; we're into wood and old-timey things, not poorly-executed wrought iron.

That brings us to the wallpaper. Because this wallpaper has (had) a shiny surface to it, it's pretty much impenetrable by water, including that expelled in vapor form by my steamer. So to get it off, I had to peel off the layer of shiny, then soak the paper backing, than peel that off. Which then left a thick coating of 30 year old paste. This involved much scrubbing, sanding, and cursing. I'd say about in equal parts. No, probably more cursing. And then at the end of the scrubbing, we decided that perhaps the best thing to do is to put more wallpaper up. Really? Yes. I can't believe it, either.

And lastly, the carpet. Looking at photos of the before, it is tempting to say that the photo-carpet looks better than the real-life current stairs. Why? Because the photo-carpet is clean and smooth, while the real-life wood is kind of crappy looking. I call this the "things that look shitty in real life often look good in photos" effect.

However.

I was unprepared for what was under the carpet. Clearly, at one point there had been a runner. And, someone had inexplicably painted the trim and floor off-white, up to where it was covered by the runner. And even more inexplicably, a later person made the move from off-white to lime green. Oh yes. That's right, lime green. Trim. I'll wait here until the nausea passes. Better now? Good, because we stripped and painted the hell out of those stairs, and they look much better (photo coming soon...).

Fire In The Hole

Earlier this evening some kind of something was going on, it sounded like 5 or 6 fire trucks/police cruisers were going through the neighborhood. For some reason, in my head the scenario plays out that something crazy happened to a neighborhood kid, and the police come knocking on my door to find out if I noticed anything, and ask why I myself didn't call the police a la Kitty Genovese. And I say to the cops, "If I called you people every time I heard a kid screaming around here your phone would never stop ringing." Because my fictional self is now officially an old lady.

So I was already cantankerous when I heard a kid yelling "Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole!" from what sounded very close by, even taking into account that our porch is only about 5 feet from the sidewalk. I go downstairs to find a kid in my minuscule front yard, near where the sewer guys neglected to put the lattice back under the porch. Making it very much like a hole. Do I go outside? Will yelling at the kids just make them do worse things? Like perhaps actually set fire to my porch? This one looks small enough (maybe 6 or 7?) to actually get freaked out by an adult. But what if he is the smallest of the herd, and brings back reinforcements? By the time I have run through all these possibilities, the kid is thankfully gone and down the street with the rest of them, and there appears to be no smoke. But now all I want to do is yell "You kids get off my lawn!" and spray them with the hose.

I guess we'll have to look into getting a fence put back up...